If you could

If you could know what people think of you, really think of you, would you want to know it?

I don't think I do. I prefer to think people like me, but I have my good days and my bad days, and maybe on some of those no one should like me. I tend to think my bad days are few, but maybe they are more common than I think. I want to think that I do more good in this world than bad, more positive times than negative, overall a plus to the whole flow of life; but I don't know if that is really true or not.

It's hard to measure my life and know if it's a positive force in the universe or a net negative.

So, today I had a chance to see what someone really thought of me, or rather, of my work. I had a draft of a concept map that was graded and returned to me. Maybe I'm making it out to be more than it is or was, but I didn't do well on this particular project. In my best thoughts, it's just a project that I misunderstood the directions to, but in my worst fears, it is a reflection of my worth in the universe. And I didn't do well, did I say that yet? So, am I still a good person? Or was I ever a good person? Or do projects and grades make any difference in who we are in this life?

My general thinking it that grades don't mean a hill of beans. Then why, in this case, is it so hard to take a bad grade? By bad I mean VERY BAD. But why grade a draft? This was a draft on a project that I now have to rework entirely and the best grade I can make is now 25% less than my classmates. The best grade I can get on the project now is a 75%. It sucks! And I'm not happy about it.