The Cost of Change

Friends and family are important. Nothing like stating the obvious. I have been thinking about the changes in my life this nursing program brings and I'm find myself drawn back to my friends and family, both for support and encouragement, as well as all the doubt. My immediate family seems pretty supportive. My husband is a pretty easy going person. He is on board with what is going on, but he did ask for a Fall Schedule for everyone. That is a BIG project. I'm not sure who will need to be where, when and all of that yet myself, but as it becomes clear, I will keep him posted.

The kids are pretty good with it, too. Of course, they are facing new changes of their own. School for all of them is changing this year. K will go back to college, which is somewhat routine at this point, but K will be living in a new place. And of course, new classes. And R will not be there this year, which will be the biggest adjustment for K. B will be in college for the first time. Hopefully B will step up to the higher level of expectations. It would be nice is B would get his driver's license, but this hasn't happened yet. It's all a matter of getting out of bed before they close for the day. Argh!

J and N are going to public school for the first time. J is also on a travel soccer team, and this is her first season with them. The only consolation I have is that the coach is known to me, as he also coached K's team when K was in high school. But the team is different, and so are the parents. Jury is out on them. Plus, I'm still trying to figure out the team schedule and tournament dates. N is playing with more kids from the neighborhood and hopefully that will help N's adjustment to school.

But there are all kinds of things I don't know, like what time does the bus pick J and N up? What do I need to buy so they can pack good lunches? What is the routine for getting kids organized for homework? Many questions that will become answered over time, but I'm not liking this learning curve.

So while my immediate family is pretty supportive, my extended family seems a little less enthused. My mom worries about my priorities. I'm too busy and how will everyone adjust? Not that she won't be proud of me, at least eventually. One sister (bless you!) has said she is proud of me going back to school. This means a lot, especially as I have so much self doubt as it is.... One sister is pretty much against my leaving the home for any reason, as that is where I belong. (period) One sister hasn't really said one way or the other. Which means they are pretty much across the board. My mother-in-law, who isn't all that close to me, has wisely kept her opinions to herself. Phew!

Some people say you do what you are. Some say you are what you do. I'm of the first camp. I have always tried to do what I am. I am a nurturing person. I don't like aspects of nursing, but it fits who I am. I also like to be in school. Not forever, but for a purpose. And the purpose of this is to be able to get a stable job with benefits and possibilities. I hope to work part time when I'm done. I hope to have enough money to help my kids pay for college, and maybe put something away for retirement. Yes, I think about that! We basically live from one paycheck to another and have very little saved. If my dh had the kind of job that allowed for 401Ks and that sort of thing, we'd be putting money into it. But that is not the case. Nor is his job situation at all stable. It's pretty much a big question, which doesn't make me feel secure at all.

Friends become the support system. I'm hoping to get to a few births throughout the school year. I hope to attend some on my repeat clients. I really want to attend them. I will miss births if I can't get to ANY over the next 12 months! I couldn't consider taking any births if I didn't have great partners. I can't say how much this means to me. I'm sure we need to work out all the detail, but having a chance to attend births and the possibility of earning a little money is greatly appreciated! (hugs to L and P!)

I also have a friend at church who doesn't question me. She has asked about WHY I'm doing this, but not in a way that makes me feel silly. More just to understand the technical part of working as a nurse/birth assistant/midwife. She is a lawyer by training, but has stayed home with her 2 Korean adopted children. Home schooling them at times. Her home and financial situation allows her a great freedom.

If dh had a situation that allowed for more stable benefits and income, maybe I'd be tempted to stay home longer, too. Yes! I realize the time will quickly pass when my kids will be grown and gone. I will miss them, but I don't think I should wait until then to complete this aspect of my education and training. Not to mention that I've been burned out with home schooling for a while now. It's hard work and it began to rob me of the relationship I wanted with my kids. Always making them do work and rarely just enjoying them doesn't lead to great mothering warm fuzzies.

Those in the sphere of friends who support me are very precious to me. It's not that I want friends who will never question my decisions, but I think it says in the Bible that 'a friend supports at all times' and this is one of those times where support is wanted and needed!

The only other thing I wanted to mention was that going back to school at this point in my life will open options to me that I would not otherwise have. Maybe I'll end up back at BirthCare being a birth assistant and not working strictly as a nurse at all. Maybe I will work part time in a local hospital. Maybe I will go on and get a Masters in Nursing (CNM? Nurse Educator? NNP? or something else altogether). I'm not sure, but the options are greater and at some point my kids will be grown and gone and I could work full time for a season. Or maybe we will move to Hawaii and I can work there. Okay, a beach house in the Pacific doesn't sound to bad to me. ;-)

Change is never easy, because by it's nature it is an unknown. What do I know about this next year? And if I knew now what I will know then, how would it change my plans now? I can't know that! Many times we are forced into changes, and we can only forge through them. Making changes for change's sake seems pointless and unnecessary.

Making changes because of potential benefits, even though unknown in all their details, is worthwhile. Everything has a cost, but perhaps the cost of not changing may turn out greater than the cost of change.


Books Received: 8
Total Ordered: 22 (yeah, I can't believe it either!)