October update

I hate working nights! It's hard to stay awake night after night and then, when I do get home, all I do is SLEEP!

I worked 3 nights last week, and a fourth if you count the lovely homebirth prior to the first 12 hour night shift. Okay, I slept most of yesterday and a large chunk of today. I'm done with sleeping for now, but I have so much work to catch up on.

Like finding my phone. Um, opps!

And then there is the test I was suppose to take for my Nursing Theory class, which I failed the pretest for, twice. Can we say ouch! "OUCH!"

I'm not a stupid person. Really, I'm not. I have a fairly high IQ and I understand the basics of learning...so how come I can't pass the learning theory portion of this test? I hate this.

I hate a lot of my life right now, but I guess that is just complaining, so I'll stop.

I miss the home school, home birth, time on my hands days of the past. I miss being able to plan my day and having some control over my life. I miss having a husband who works and kids who are home. I miss the 'ideal' homelife...which never was true to begin with, but I miss the thought of it. I don't even dream of the ideal any more. I just don't dream much at all. Mostly, I just work and recover from working. I clean when I can. I shop for food and cook when I'm home. I lament what is lost and try to embrace what is here now.

I also miss my bud.

My dd N moved to Norfolk. My ds B is now on such a good track that I'm amazed and stupified. Just lacking a job, but all other areas of his life as so on the right path that I'm confident the rest will fall into place soon. This is one HUGE burden lifted (somewhat!)

I am wishing that my dh would find steady work. I have almost given up all hope of this, but I'm trying to believe that things will change, someday. Soon. Please!

With that, I will end. So much for October 2009.